| ugh |
[13 Feb 2005|02:35am] |
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ok so im back to vent (i think thats all lj is good for anymore :)
so the las couple of days were ok i guess but it was all false hope and it all cam crashing down today as i found out what some people really think of me and that is always depressing and yet some more slim hopes of mine were crushed today but thinking back on just this last month i should be used to that feeling by now i think the only thing keeping me sane is the hopes that maybe this was just a really really bad month and it will all get better, but then agian like i tell everyone its not healthy to lie to yourself because i know things arnt going to get better unless i learn to cope with things which is really weird to say becuase im the one that can usually cope with everything and wonder why people get so bent over things haha i guess i just needed to have the shittst couple months of my life to realize im noone special and i get bent just the same as anyone else i just really hope things get better becuase im tired of having that bad feeling in the pit of my stomache im tired of having confused thoughts and the feeling of not knowing what to do or say and overall its just frusterating but whatever it just looks like i was right in my last entry that life is not getting better anytime soon just progressivly worse which it has so yeah whatever im off to go chill or whatever it is that i find to do to get the night to pass latas
well i guess i did find one thing that made me smile today i forgot i had a new icon and now i get to use it ty ashes :)
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[07 Feb 2005|01:29am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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linkin park-numb |
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yeah so im posting here becuase i ran out of room on purerave and typing seems to make me feel better at the moment
So what do you do when you feel like theres nothing left? what do you do when nothing has worked out in your favor? what do you do when everything is crumbling and nothing seems to be the right choice anymore? what do you do when the only thing you can think of to do is the only thing you will never do? this is life im sure it happens to everyone at some point in time, but when your tired of talking about your problems because it never fixes them, when you tired of dealing with them becuase more just come to the surface with none going away, when your dealing with the same fucked up emotions just differant situations and even if you wanted to talk about them you dont know how to put your thoughts into words what do you do? so far all i have come up with is fuck it but that doesnt seem to work it just results in things getting bottled up and eating away at the core of me and in the end making things worse and yet at the same time i feel and think all this i couldnt try and move on and start over if i wanted becuase im to caring to leave everyone behind all i really want is one day where i dont feel any pain no problems no worries i know its alot to ask for it seems to be impossible now and days to have a carefree day true you can have good days but even a good day has problems and worries you just dont care about them till you have a bad day and when it seems like everyday is a bad day your good days arent so bright anymore and i have even got into the bad habbit of faking smiles so that people dont bother me about whats wrong, because i never know what to say i dont know how to put my thoughts into words and it seems to upset people when they can tell something is wrong and i dont talk to them which makes things worse. they dont seem to understand that if i knew what to say how to describe what bothers me i would tell them i mean there is so many things i want to tell so many people but i cant seem to ever say them i dont know if its becuase im scared to or if i just really dont know how to say what im thinking but either way i really dont care anymore im thinking that when i had my chance to leave everything and everyone behind and go into the army and get stationed at some random base doing a job i would hate for 4 years it would be worth it becuase i dont know if everything im feeling and thinking is worth it basicly to sum up all of this rambling at the moment i really hate life and it seems to be getting progressivly worse and i dont know how to deal with my emotions anymore.
and hello agian to all those livejournal junkies i havent talk to in forever if you took the time to read this im sorry :) but it was a good way to vent and like i said i ran out of room on purerave anywho latas
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| here is MEEEEEEE |
[21 Jul 2004|02:38am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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drowning pool - sinner |
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[05 Jul 2004|01:09am] |
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mood |
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Tweakin Out |
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music |
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Linkin Park - Numb |
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ok so yeah fireworks were fun and awsome and shit cept i burnt my hands like 12 times cuz i was the only one lighting fireworks but its all good i had fun till the long ass car ride home my dad didnt feel like driving so my step mom did and she drove sooooooooooo slow it took an extra hour plus we had to drive through a killer storm which added a extra half hour and my lil bro was sleeping on me and kicking and punching me in his sleep not to mention his breathe smelled like ass so yeah by the time i got home i wasnt in the best of moods today but before all that i was all spiffy and bouncy and shit anywho yeah laters
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[05 Jul 2004|01:08am] |
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mood |
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Tweakin Out |
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music |
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Linkin Park - numb |
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*blink* thats like so accurate its scary
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[28 Jun 2004|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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disturbed - prayer |
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[26 Jun 2004|12:58am] |
haha when i dont jump ahead a month the results are cooler
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[26 Jun 2004|12:39am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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mudvayne - dig |
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[23 Jun 2004|05:23pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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limb bizkit - creamer |
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| wassabi peeps |
[19 Jun 2004|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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slipknot - duality |
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Wassabi yall, yeah so im in Wisconsin its my first time being here but its not all bad except the first day the hotel beds were shit and i woke up with the sorest back in history but its all good my dad gave me a few pain killers and i was smiling again umm went shopping at the mall here today got some random shit then we played scrabble when we got home I FINALLY BEAT ASHES, i kinda miss my car :) but i wont have many places togo once ashes is gone but anywho i need to get some sleep we are going to some park thingy bay beach or some shit so latas and ill be back home in like 2-3 days :P cant wait lol *waves* g'night yall
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| Da Pimp |
[14 Jun 2004|09:50pm] |
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mood |
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energetic |
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music |
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ICP - Homies |
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WASSABI yeah so I,m in a great mood, I got my speaker hooked up and ITS BANGIN YO. Also I am a legend now http://www.geocities.com/clan_kazingath/frameset.html pssst I'm a god too haha, ya so my ego is going to be through the roof the next week or so. Atleast some one finally realized I am god :P. Anywho I'm outys I'll talk to yall laters.
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[14 Jun 2004|12:18am] |
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haha that lil dragon is a cross dresser that is all
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| ba-ding |
[14 Jun 2004|12:12am] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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music |
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my cds are too far away |
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wassabi peeps, yeah so i start going to my damn classes tomorrow ugh i have to make up alllll those credits i didnt get in high school lol, but on a better note i should get my speaker hooked up tomarrow also. and wrestling was on tonight and it rocked i got attacked by bugs when i was taking out the trash (if i was god they would all be doomed) and i watched bruce almighty and after realizing that you have to be hit by a truck to get the girl you want i decide to settle for a ant farm but since im going to destroy all the bugs.........hmmmm damnit i just cant win. but anywho enough rambling im outys peeps see yall laters
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[13 Jun 2004|03:32am] |
| How to make a specterhunter |
Ingredients:
1 part mercy
1 part crazyiness
5 parts Juggalo |
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little sadness if desired! |
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[13 Jun 2004|12:37am] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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static x - love dump |
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wel today was eventfull i guess i fixed a couple things in my car and omg it was friggen hot out ugh anywho i watched the bird cage today it was funny but highly disturbing and um yeah i feel asleep at like 9 to wake up at 11 ish so im gunna be up all night now damnit so i guess i will have to stalk the few peeps that are on late at night (you 2 know who you are mwahahaha) and i get to hook my good speaker up monday I WILL HAVE A DECENT SPEAKER IN MY CAR WAHOOOO and im done :p laters peeps
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| BLAM FAYGO!!!!!! |
[12 Jun 2004|12:34am] |
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mood |
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devious |
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music |
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umm i left my cds in my car :p |
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yeah so anywho my day was exciting lol i hung out with some peeps and did nothing of importance and yeah umm im totaolly forgot what i was gunna say it might have been deep but i doubt it lol i tend to be shallow most of the time :p anywho to take up space BLAM THREE HOES!!!! BLAM FAYGO!!!!!! BLAM NYQUILL!!!!!
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| ugh |
[11 Jun 2004|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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slipknot - anarchy anthem |
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wassabi, um yeah so starting monday im gunna be busy yaay *rolls eyes* i have to start going to class again ugh, tuesday i have to retake the asvab *sob* i got all sorts of gay little reports todo and i have to start working out cuz im like 10 pounds overweight for the army AND i got to get as much of this done as i can before i go back up to meps or i might have to wait even longer to join *crys* and its almost certain that the first place there gunna send me if fort riley and so yeah this stuff blows balls but w/e IM DA MAN so i can handle it :p anywho i got stuff todo and im starving so latas
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[10 Jun 2004|02:05am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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static x - machine |
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wassabi ygo (laughs) fans, so yeah ashes made me a dozen enemys so hate mail goes here :p
and for the record ygo really makes me luagh
y go? cuz this show sucks thats why XD
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| wassabi |
[09 Jun 2004|09:29pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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static x - im with stupid |
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wassup peeps, yeah once again im in a really good mood for some unkown reason :P i seen the movie soul plane tonight. it was funny as shit. haha snoop dogg overdosed it was the shit.um other then that i was abnormaly tired earlier and slept for all dayish and ummmm i dunno i got a few things todo tongiht but other then that im just chillen the rest of the night wOOt WooT peace out peeps
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[08 Jun 2004|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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 mischievous |
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music |
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Disturbed - prayer |
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wassabi, yeah so today went really fast like and it wasn't cuz i woke up at 3 p.m. i read my book for awhile, and i played my dad in some video games. Then we went and played trivia IT WAS GLORIOUS, ASHES WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLL ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME. I was in the top 3 most of it (except a few rounds when i bombed) but yeah i rule *dances* today is been such a good day and it can only get better so see y'all laters
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